Tag Archives: Vikings

Metrodome roof collapses, cherry on top of a great season

This season, many people around the NFL have questioned whether or not Minnesota Vikings receiver Percy Harvin’s migraines are as severe as he claims they are.  Early Sunday morning Harvin proved the naysayers wrong when he had a migraine so intense that it radiated outward causing the roof of the Metrodome to collapse.  That is what happened according to Percy Harvin.

Percy Harvin gets paid to stand on the sideline and BETA test Advil.

Local meteorologists blame the snowstorm for the collapse, and not Harvin’s migraines.  Harvin, however, maintains his guilt and insists that he be punished to the full extent by the NFL and miss the remainder of the season with pay.

The damage caused the NFL moved the Vikings’ game against the New York Giants to Monday night in nearby-ish Detroit, Michigan.  This was the first time in almost 20 years that Detroit had seen decent football.  Admission to the game was free with priority seating for the ticket-holders to the originally scheduled game.  Seating was general admission and, of course, segregated to keep the crime down.

The Vikings organization is distraught by the destruction.  Vikings owner Zygi Wilf said, “It’s just way too cold outside to have an open air stadium in Minnesota. Even worse, everything is wet in here.  The last thing Minnesota needs is another lake.  There is just nothing good about this situation.”

Having spent the remainder of their budget trying to keep Brett Favre alive, the Vikings have asked the community to help out in restoring the dome to its normal state. The Vikings are launching an ad campaign to raise money to fund the cost of repairs. It involves a group of homely-looking Vikings who ask the question, “What’s in your wallet?…and can we have some?”

In the meantime, the Metrodome is being used to house the remaining Katrina refugees.  There are still over 3,000 fugees roaming about the country for whatever reason.  The Vikings are hoping to get some free labor out of the deal. So far none of the fugees have offered to work, but a couple said they might…one time.


Vikings fire Childress, hire “Major Dad”

On Monday, the Minnesota Vikings fired head coach Brad Childress following Sunday’s 31-3 loss to their division rival, Green Bay Packers.  Last season, Childress led the Vikings to within a field goal from going to the Super Bowl.

This is Brad Childress with is famous "Okay, I'll go pack up my office" look.

The team decided not to tell quarterback, Brett Favre, about Childress’ departure, and put Favre on an information lockdown.  On Monday, Vikings owner Zygi Wilf told reporters, “It is important not to upset Brett (Favre) with only six games left in the season.  He does not deal with change very well.  We all saw what happened when he left Green Bay.  We’re just trying to minimize the damage.  His old body can’t handle this kind of news.”

Tuesday afternoon, in an attempt to get a coach in place without Favre noticing, the Minnesota Vikings hired former “Major Dad” TV star, Gerald McRaney, as Childress’ replacement.

It's uncanny. It's like Brad Childress with a George W. Bush grin.

Wilf told reporters, “The decision was easy.  I mean, look at him.  He looks exactly like Brad (Childress).  Just slap some glasses on him and we’re good to go.”

When asked about Favre possibly noticing the age difference between McRaney and Childress, offensive coordinator Darrel Bevell said, “It’s only a 9 year difference.  Sure “Major Dad” looks a bit older than Chilly, but Favre’s eyes also aren’t what they used to be.  Look at his 17 interceptions this year.  He’s throwing balls to everyone.  If I had a dollar for every time Brett has come to me this season and said ‘sorry coach, thought it was one of our guys’, I’d be able to buy like 17 McDonald’s double-cheeseburgers.”

"Brett didn’t seem to notice...He gave a very dramatic and confused stare...After about two minutes he shrugged and kept walking." (Click to Enlarge)

Favre and McRaney met for the first time Wednesday morning in the Vikings locker room.  A team representative said, “It was great.  McRaney played it so casual.  I haven’t seen him act this well in years.  Brett didn’t seem to notice the difference, but gave us a close scare when they first crossed paths.  He stopped and gave a very dramatic and confused stare into the distance.  You know, kinda like they do on soap operas.  After about two minutes he shrugged and kept walking.  No harm done and we’re happy to have ‘Major Dad’ in the locker room.”

McRaney has yet to speak out about his new job, but a close family friend told reporters that, “He’s just happy to have steady work and hopefully help out the Vikings.  Gerald has always had a soft spot for charities.”