Anyone who is familiar with the sports world knows the name, Tim Tebow. When he’s not out circumcising the Filipino youth, he’s throwing hail mary’s (pun intended) in the NFL. After a successful college career at Florida, the Denver Broncos decided to roll the dice and draft Tim Tebow. There’s no doubt he’s a great athlete and a douche bag (confirmed via Wikipedia), but can he make it in the NFL?
Tim Tebow was on top of the world at Florida. His climb to the top of the ladder is carefully documented and illustrated below:
This first picture is of Tim Tebow in 2006. I know it was from 2006 because it is crudely scribbled into the photo itself.
As you can see, Tim Tebow is just beginning to get a taste of what college football is all about. It is around this time that he sold his soul to the mighty Satan (he would later win it back in an online poker tournament and join forces with Jesus. Christ, to be specific. Not just some mexican dude named Jesus, that spells his name the same as Jesus, but says it like Jesus instead of Jesus. Jesus Christ that was confusing). Moving on.
Now we see Tebow in the 2007 season. This year he won the Heisman trophy. You can see the trophy displayed proudly in the picture.
Even though the trophy looks like a yellow man urinating uncontrollably, Tim didn’t care. He was now the cock of the walk. Take that how you want to. He now had a big ol’ trophy and JonBenét Ramsey-like work ethic to win no matter what. Too soon? It’s been 14 years. Get over it.
In 2008, Tebow would begin use his shiny trophy to lure Filipino children into a hut so he could play Doctor and circumcise them. He was almost thwarted several times during his scissoring escapades by authority figures. They would accuse him of child molestation and mock his cutting techniques, calling them sloppy and unoriginal. To this he would respond, “I am Tim Tebow. Would Tim Tebow like little boys? I think not.” As it turned out he was the only one who thought not.
Tim Tebow’s questionable venture into the human calamari market paid off. He won a BCS Championship in the 2008-09 season. He even lost a game this season and cried about it on TV. He promised to not to be human and lose another game.
The 2009-10 season would prove to be extra annoying to watch. His go-get-’em attitude on and off of the field was becoming sad to look at. He was clearly cheesing for the camera, trying to attract attention from NFL teams. His projected value in the NFL was still in question. He did not care. Jesus loved him. Not the Mexican guy, the Christ one still. That made 3 people who loved him (Mom, Dad, & Jesus. I didn’t have a photo of the four of them to post. I saw one on the internet once but it looked like a photoshoppery because the Jesus in that photo actually was Mexican, and the Jesus we all know and love is a White.) This is Tim in the 2009-10 season.
He would fail to lead his team to a National Championship in his final season. They played in a Bowl game though…but then again who doesn’t get to play a bowl game. Even though his team lost, he came out winning. He was drafted in the first round by the Denver Broncos. We will soon find out if this was a wise choice, or the most disappointing draft pick ever made. At which point they will most likely have him shot and turned into glue. Until that day, we will have to watch him cry every time the Broncos lose. This will likely cause ratings to go up.
I was able to find the picture of the Tebow family with Jesus. I’m pretty sure it’s still Jesus the Mexican and not Jesus Christ. If anyone can shed any light on this it would be rather helpful. It does, however, answer the question of whether or not you can fall asleep while standing.
http://www.timtebowfacts.com/ Yes…this is a real site.
* Note: Any inaccuracies in this post will go uncared about by myself. In summary, I won’t care about anything in this post that isn’t accurate. I realize I just took the first sentence, and wrote it in a different way for the summary. I also realize I used my entire third sentence, as well as this one, to describe what I did in the previous sentences. This fifth sentence will be my final one on the matter.