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Vikings fire Childress, hire “Major Dad”

On Monday, the Minnesota Vikings fired head coach Brad Childress following Sunday’s 31-3 loss to their division rival, Green Bay Packers.  Last season, Childress led the Vikings to within a field goal from going to the Super Bowl.

This is Brad Childress with is famous "Okay, I'll go pack up my office" look.

The team decided not to tell quarterback, Brett Favre, about Childress’ departure, and put Favre on an information lockdown.  On Monday, Vikings owner Zygi Wilf told reporters, “It is important not to upset Brett (Favre) with only six games left in the season.  He does not deal with change very well.  We all saw what happened when he left Green Bay.  We’re just trying to minimize the damage.  His old body can’t handle this kind of news.”

Tuesday afternoon, in an attempt to get a coach in place without Favre noticing, the Minnesota Vikings hired former “Major Dad” TV star, Gerald McRaney, as Childress’ replacement.

It's uncanny. It's like Brad Childress with a George W. Bush grin.

Wilf told reporters, “The decision was easy.  I mean, look at him.  He looks exactly like Brad (Childress).  Just slap some glasses on him and we’re good to go.”

When asked about Favre possibly noticing the age difference between McRaney and Childress, offensive coordinator Darrel Bevell said, “It’s only a 9 year difference.  Sure “Major Dad” looks a bit older than Chilly, but Favre’s eyes also aren’t what they used to be.  Look at his 17 interceptions this year.  He’s throwing balls to everyone.  If I had a dollar for every time Brett has come to me this season and said ‘sorry coach, thought it was one of our guys’, I’d be able to buy like 17 McDonald’s double-cheeseburgers.”

"Brett didn’t seem to notice...He gave a very dramatic and confused stare...After about two minutes he shrugged and kept walking." (Click to Enlarge)

Favre and McRaney met for the first time Wednesday morning in the Vikings locker room.  A team representative said, “It was great.  McRaney played it so casual.  I haven’t seen him act this well in years.  Brett didn’t seem to notice the difference, but gave us a close scare when they first crossed paths.  He stopped and gave a very dramatic and confused stare into the distance.  You know, kinda like they do on soap operas.  After about two minutes he shrugged and kept walking.  No harm done and we’re happy to have ‘Major Dad’ in the locker room.”

McRaney has yet to speak out about his new job, but a close family friend told reporters that, “He’s just happy to have steady work and hopefully help out the Vikings.  Gerald has always had a soft spot for charities.”


Derek Jeter, Yankees play “Let’s Make A Deal”

For the first time in his illustrious career, Derek Jeter is a free agent.  His 10-year, $189 million contract came to an end at the conclusion of the 2010 season.   The New York Yankees, wishing to keep their franchise star shortstop in New York, began negotiations with Jeter and his agent.

The Yankees’ negotiating strategy has been unfavorable to Jeter so far.  Initially, the Yankees were reluctant to offer Jeter anything more than a 3-year $45 million contract, while  Jeter wanted at least a 4-year contract with more money on top.  The Yankees’ negotiation efforts continue to fall short, and continue to get more bazaar.

Derek Jeter during his A.C. Slater phase.

The most recent development in the negotiation has the Yankees’ offering Jeter a 4-year $55 million contract and a package which includes upper-deck season tickets, a signed Derek Jeter 1992 Draft Pick baseball card, and a lifetime supply of Otter Pops.

Jeter’s agent spoke out against the offer, calling it “childish and insulting”.  The Yankees’ responded saying that, “there was just no more money left to offer what Derek (Jeter) is worth.  Which is why we added the package as a part of the deal.”

The Otter Pop is responsible for more sticky pairs of scissors than any other desert snack.

During a press conference, Jeter said, “I am confused as to why I would even use the season tickets.  They’re not even good seats.  I won’t even comment on offering me my signed rookie card and Otter Pops.  I don’t even like Otter Pops.”

Yankees’ owner, Hal Steinbrenner, responded to Jeter’s comment saying, “We admit that the Otter Pops and signed baseball card are lame, but if he (Jeter) doesn’t want the season tickets he can give them away as a stocking stuffer perhaps.  The seats may be upper-deck, but they’re still right behind home plate and you can see the whole field.  I really don’t see what the issue is here.  He is just pulling his ‘Diva’ card.”

The negotiations continue and Yankees fans will have to wait to see what Jeter decides to do.  It is unlikely he will decide to go to another team, but for the Yankees organization it’s just a matter of “sealing the deal” to keep him there for sure.

Just a preview of what could be the newest Randy Moss jersey. This would be the fourth team jersey within a year to feature his name.

In a related story, Tennessee Titans wide receiver, Randy Moss, has been contacted by the Yankees to replace Jeter if he opts for another team.  Moss has been with three different NFL teams this season and switching sports seems like the next logical move for the indecisive veteran.

Fans have responded in outrage and one analyst calls the rumor “absurd”, saying that “the Yankees are clearly only after brand name players.  I highly doubt Moss has ever touched a baseball before.”

Steinbrenner has quite a few difficult decisions to make during the off-season, but the Jeter contract appears to be the sun that all of the other decisions revolve around.