Tag Archives: Football

Brett Favre’s streak ends, world stands still

On Monday, Brett Favre’s streak of 297 consecutive starts came to an end and captivated the nation.

Where were you when the streak ended?  I was at home, watching Monday Night Football.  When they told me that Brett Favre wasn’t going to start, I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh…I didn’t know what to feel.  Seeing that record fall down was one of the most incredible, yet terrible, sights to behold.  The sports world truly stopped on that day.  So, ask yourself…”Where were you?”  Actually, ask yourself, “Where was I?”  Because you can’t ask yourself where you were because you are yourself asking yourself a question about yourself.  Never forget. 12/13.

A true...modern day...9/11. The ultimate in "Who Cares?" sports coverage. I hate you sometimes ESPN. I'm gonna put a jihad on you.





Vikings fire Childress, hire “Major Dad”

On Monday, the Minnesota Vikings fired head coach Brad Childress following Sunday’s 31-3 loss to their division rival, Green Bay Packers.  Last season, Childress led the Vikings to within a field goal from going to the Super Bowl.

This is Brad Childress with is famous "Okay, I'll go pack up my office" look.

The team decided not to tell quarterback, Brett Favre, about Childress’ departure, and put Favre on an information lockdown.  On Monday, Vikings owner Zygi Wilf told reporters, “It is important not to upset Brett (Favre) with only six games left in the season.  He does not deal with change very well.  We all saw what happened when he left Green Bay.  We’re just trying to minimize the damage.  His old body can’t handle this kind of news.”

Tuesday afternoon, in an attempt to get a coach in place without Favre noticing, the Minnesota Vikings hired former “Major Dad” TV star, Gerald McRaney, as Childress’ replacement.

It's uncanny. It's like Brad Childress with a George W. Bush grin.

Wilf told reporters, “The decision was easy.  I mean, look at him.  He looks exactly like Brad (Childress).  Just slap some glasses on him and we’re good to go.”

When asked about Favre possibly noticing the age difference between McRaney and Childress, offensive coordinator Darrel Bevell said, “It’s only a 9 year difference.  Sure “Major Dad” looks a bit older than Chilly, but Favre’s eyes also aren’t what they used to be.  Look at his 17 interceptions this year.  He’s throwing balls to everyone.  If I had a dollar for every time Brett has come to me this season and said ‘sorry coach, thought it was one of our guys’, I’d be able to buy like 17 McDonald’s double-cheeseburgers.”

"Brett didn’t seem to notice...He gave a very dramatic and confused stare...After about two minutes he shrugged and kept walking." (Click to Enlarge)

Favre and McRaney met for the first time Wednesday morning in the Vikings locker room.  A team representative said, “It was great.  McRaney played it so casual.  I haven’t seen him act this well in years.  Brett didn’t seem to notice the difference, but gave us a close scare when they first crossed paths.  He stopped and gave a very dramatic and confused stare into the distance.  You know, kinda like they do on soap operas.  After about two minutes he shrugged and kept walking.  No harm done and we’re happy to have ‘Major Dad’ in the locker room.”

McRaney has yet to speak out about his new job, but a close family friend told reporters that, “He’s just happy to have steady work and hopefully help out the Vikings.  Gerald has always had a soft spot for charities.”

Alabama eats Georgia State, looks to feast on Auburn

The Alabama Crimson Tide defeated the first-year Georgia State Panthers last night 63-7.  Most people would consider this to be an absolute blowout, however Panthers head coach, Bill Curry, claims that they (Panthers) are making strides and “would have done better had we been able to get the opponents’ films to play on our VHS player.”

The malfunctioning VHS player in the filmroom at Georgia State has been acting up all season and was once again on the fritz last week.  When asked why they don’t just buy a new one, or get a DVD player, Curry said, “that would be great but unfortunately the budget doesn’t allow it.  We aren’t the Yankees.”  The team is currently taking donations to put toward a new video system and hopes to have it functional before next season.

The one bright spot in last night’s slaughter came when Albert Wilson returned a kickoff for a 97-yard touchdown.  Alabama head coach, Nick Saban, spoke about the play during a postgame press conference saying, “we felt bad and had to let them have something.  That young kid will remember that touchdown for the rest of his life.  You’re welcome.”

Alabama will face-off against the unstoppable Auburn Tigers next week.   The Crimson Tide will need to shift their focus toward figuring out how to stop Cam Newton, a task at which no team has been successful at so far this season.

The illustration below should accurately describe the relationship between the Georgia State/Alabama game to the upcoming Alamaba/Auburn game in terms of size and sheer importance.

The man is of average height, and is incidentally NOT Indiana Jones. We cannot stress enough that there is NO relationship between the Georgia State Panthers and Indiana Jones.

News: New Orleans Saints Fans Are Possibly Retarded

The girlfriend posted a Facebook status update that started quite a chain of comments. The original status update read:

Jenna I’d just like to point out that the Falcons sit atop the NFC South. IT’S LONELY UP HERE, NEW ORLEANS.

This was Sunday after both the Saints and Falcons had finished week 5 of the season. Enter Saints Fan #1. Week after week, this guy has something to say regarding her postings about the Falcons. Week after week, we make him look like an idiot. He tries to bring facts and figures into the conversation…but he’s no match for us. Let it also be known that Saints Fan #1 lives in Georgia in the Mero Atlanta area.

This post received 190 comments in total. I have removed the ones that weren’t relevant to the flow of the conversation. Below this post, please look at the statistics of the conversation featuring number of “Likes”, racial slurs, and general cockitute (cocky and attitude smashed together). Obviously, the names of people have been changed so they wouldn’t cry about this. Enjoy.

Saints Fan #1 I watched the Falcons game today and the one last week. They aren’t exactly blowing people away.

Saints Fan #1 They aren’t playing as well as last year, they have a lot of injuries, and they don’t have a kicker (note the order in which I list those). All I am saying is that the Saints have actually won a Super Bowl while the Falcons are not exactly looking like Championship material. They’re better than the Saints right now, but it is a little soon for people in Atlanta to be designing rings.

Jenna LOL @ folks getting angry at facts. Falcons-Cardinals 41-7…what was the Saints score today? I forget…Oh wait. No I don’t. It was 30-20. Also, the Saints aren’t even top 2 in the NFC South.

Jenna Saints fans are the most humble people on Earth. It’s really a beautiful thing to witness.


Matt The motto for the state of Louisiana should be The Bandwagon State.
Like · 1 person

Matt Just because the Saints won a Super Bowl last year doesn’t make them amazing this year. Taylor Swift won a Grammy and she’s horrible. Case closed…new topic. (drops microphone on the ground)

Jenna LOL @ the Saints being the Taylor Swift of the NFL. Beautiful. And true.

Matt It’s a love story…and there’s a lot of similarities between the Saints and awful lil’ Taylor.

Saints Fan #2 Who is the Kanye West of the league then?

Matt Hurricane Katrina…interrupted a whole season.
Like · 1 person

Random Guy #1 Matt, I don’t know you…but I like you. You say what’s in my head.

Matt Ha, thanks…I do what I can. If only I could find a way to make money off of it…

Saints Fan #1 A grammy is subjective. They even have a hip hop category, so that tells you all you need to know about that award. Last year the Saints won the Super Bowl by being the best team. Your analogy fails. Don’t use it just because the NFL put her in the French Quarter on opening day.

it is week five and the Falcons have struggled the last three weeks. Like I said, it is a little early to be designing rings.

Jenna Really…the Falcons are the ones struggling? Sometimes I feel like I acquire a mental disability when talking to Saints fans

Saints Fan #1 The Falcons have won, but they’ve struggled. Trust me, that is important no matter what lies you tell yourself. The Saints had been winning, but struggling to get those. All Sean Payton would say is “We’re one field goal from 4-0.” Taking comfort in “W’s” is ill conceived this early in the season

Matt With all due respect, I don’t have to trust you…so I won’t. But it’s a little ill conceived to declare it “Who Dat Nation” after one Super Bowl win just a bit presumptuous. Also makes it hilarious to everyone else when they can’t quite back up the hype they created.

Matt Also… nobody, other than you, said anything about designing rings. Not really sure what your obsession with rings is.

Matt In lieu of designing Falcons rings, lets all group together and come up with a really sweet friendship bracelet.

Jenna How ’bout a BUDDY BAND?!

Matt Rings are overrated…caused Elijah Wood to lose a finger in that one movie

Matt All I know is at this moment the Falcons are doing fairly well for once, the Saints could do better, and Taylor Swift is barely holding on.

Saints Fan #1 Who Dat Nation refers to Saints fans, no one else. You’ve never heard of the “Steeler Nation” or the “Vikings Naton” or the “Lakers Nation…” Sticking “nation” at the end of something is pretty popular in the sports world, even, in the case of the Steelers and Vikings, for teams that haven’t won in a long time.

Hype? Remind me which team hired a has-been actor to make a hype song in the preseason.

Matt Has been? http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000168/

Very active.

Saints Fan #1 Suck on the Saints’ Super Bowl ring.

Saints Fan #1 Oh, and if you don’t like sucking on rings you can go to New Orleans and suck on the Lombardi Trophy.

Matt Does the trophy at least double as a floatation device? Might need it.

Jenna Lucky for you, I’m going to New Orleans this weekend…and please believe, I will be wearing every piece of Falcons apparel I own. And I will run down Bourbon Street with a Hurricane (no offense) in my hand screaming “RISE UP!” I can’t wait.

Jenna So, no…I’ll pass on the sucking of anything Saints-related.

Saints Fan #1 Be sure to visit Champion’s Square and take a look at the Lombardi Trophy. That is the closest anyone in a Falcons jersey will get to the thing.

Matt I’ll refer you to Super Bowl XXXIII…the one in 1999 that the Falcons were in.


Matt I’m going to go visit that square, wear a giant Falcon costume…and take a huge Dirty Bird dump right in the middle of it.

Jenna And I’m going to go as well and hurl on the trophy in a drunken stupor!

Matt When the Falcons win a Super Bowl, we have plans to erect a giant theme park in honor of it.

Saints Fan #1 It is going to suck when you build that theme park next to the Georgia Dome and Arthur Blank moves the team from Downtown. Atlanta already has one abandoned, hood ass theme park.

Jenna Atlanta has a theme park??

Matt Atlanta is a theme park. New Orleans is a water park. Oh snap.
Like · 2 people

Jenna hahahahahahahahkdgkdjdkjfdkljgheiwhodat

Matt That was the sound of a drowning Saints fan laughing at Garret Hartley
Like · 2 people

Saints Fan #1 I’d like to point out the irony in people deriding Saints fans as not being humble or classy while they declare their team Super Bowl champions in week five, fantasize about taking a dump in someone else’s city, and make fun of levee failures that killed nearly 1500 people.

Jenna I donated to the relief fund…

Matt So did i…

Matt we never said the falcons were going to be super bowl champions this year. and i will take a dump in that city.

Jenna Have you ever smelled New Orleans? Lots of people take dumps there, sweetie. You won’t be the only one.

Matt can’t be worse than Manhattan on a trash day

Saints Fan #1 Atlanta is an office park. Have you ever been there after 5:00 pm or on a weekend where there are no sports downtown? I also recall some pretty extensive flooding in the Atlanta area that was caused by this place’s disgusting appetite four soulless exurban sprawl.

Jenna I thought that flood was caused by rain.

Matt It was caused by rain…and it was AWESOME.

Saints Fan #1 You haven’t been doing enough reading, Jenna. The AJC actually did some decent journalism for once and ran a story about how the environmental impacts of various development projects were green lighted in spite of reports on the environmental damage they would cause. One culprit was the intermodal train station between Powder Springs and Austell.

“An Atlanta Journal-Constitution analysis published Feb. 21 found a dramatic link between the increase in man-made, nonabsorbent, “impervious” surfaces in the metro region and the size and speed of floods. Regional shortcomings in storm water planning aggravated the problem, the AJC found. Those flaws included splintered, jurisdiction-by-jurisdiction planning that ignored downstream impact and federal flood maps that didn’t keep up with that development.”


New Orleans flooded because the Army Corps of Engineers didn’t build the levees to their own specifications and constructed the MR-GO canal that no one wanted and even fewer have used, giving the storm surge a straight shot to the city. In other words, Atlanta fucked itself. New Orleans got fucked by the federal government.

Matt Lol that’s three whole paragraphs. There’s no way anyone is reading all of that.

Jenna Is it ironic that I stopped reading after “You haven’t been doing enough reading, Jenna.” ???

Matt I quit after “AJC” and “decent journalism”


Matt MTV is in season 2 of Jersey Shore. Relationship matched.

Saints Fan #2 Is anyone pumped up to buy the SITUATION’s book???

Matt <— this guy. Wanna see what makes him tick. It's a coloring book right?

Jenna I love coloring books. And I love New Orleans. But I hate Saints fans because they are ungrateful. Even so, I will go to NOLA this weekend and help restore the city one Big Ass Beer at a time. You’re welcome.

Matt I’ll be right there with ya. This will be well documented.

Saints Fan #2 The only people more annoying than Saints fans are LSU football fans….

Jenna SEC football fans in general.

Matt Agreed.


Matt You are so popular baby…you’re the homecoming queen of the facebook status 🙂

Random Guy #2 I’m sorry but I gotta address the comment about being in Atlanta after 5pm or on a weekend without sports. I lived there for several years and Atlanta has a lot to offer. I was never bored while living there. Atlanta can’t help it if your only source of entertainment is being a spectator at sporting events. There are other things to do.


Saints Fan #1 I’ve spent several days walking around Atlanta taking photographs, and I make a point to drive through whenever I have class in Decatur. The place has no soul and it has no culture (unless you count complaining about when Sherman burned it to the ground).

Jenna Jesus man…just leave Atlanta.

Saints Fan #1 I will as soon as possible. Off to the land of good food, good music, drive through liquor (even on Sunday!), and a Super Bowl winning football team!

The only thing Atlanta has going for it is its popularity as a setting for zombie movies.

Jenna You’re right…there’s no good food or good music here. It must suck to be such a bitter, old man at such a young age. There are lots of things to enjoy in Atlanta. Don’t blame the city because you can’t see it. Open your damn eyes.

Jenna LOL…you really don’t pick up on internet sarcasm, do you? I thought we were making it fairly obvious but apparently not.

Saints Fan #1 I ask you to come up with some examples of good food and good music, and the best y’all can manage are sarcastic references to mediocrity. And I’m the idiot?

Matt Yes

Matt Ok, seems I’ve missed a lot…I don’t feel like reading all of this. Someone catch me up to speed…

Jenna Atlanta sucks in Saints Fan #1’s opinion and there’s absolutely nothing to do here…no good food or music. You’re all caught up.

Also, I’m going to three concerts within the next month…each part of a completely different genre. So it seems those bands think Atlanta is important enough to stop by for a day

Saints Fan #1 I called Atlanta a glorified office park and was rebuffed with vague platitudes. When I asked for examples, all I got were sarcastic references to Atlanta’s mediocrity, which would indicate that my judgement is correct.

Matt I’m not going to look up what platitude means. But I have the feeling you’re going to tell me.

Matt Actually I don’t care…I will say that if you hate Atlanta so much, then leave. Nobody is holding a gun to your head forcing you to be here…unless you’re in a bad part of town.
Like · 1 person

Matt Good music venues, decent comedy clubs, good food…and traffic. It’s got what every good city has.

Saints Fan #1 At least you admit Atlanta has to import its “culture” for 24 hour time periods.

Jenna That’s how tours work…if you liked music at all, you might understand that.

Matt we have plenty of “imported” culture from the katrina refugees thank you very much

Saints Fan #1 Are you seriously going to pretend Atlanta’s crime problems started in fall of 2005?

Matt lol no…in fact I didn’t say that…anywhere…at all. You have a wild imagination.

Matt Seriously…tell me where I said that our crime problem started in 2005.

Saints Fan #1 You’re right. You didn’t say much of anything.

Matt Good one?

Saints Fan #1 You tell me what you were referring to when you said “we have plenty of ‘imported’ culture from the katrina refugees…”

Jenna There was really no hidden meaning there…what don’t you get? Crime has not been mentioned once in this status…hidden or otherwise.

Matt you said we had to import culture referring to concerts coming into town. I said we had plenty of imported culture from the katrina refugees. It’s pretty simple. I really don’t see how you could take that any other way.

Saints Fan #1 Because I’ve been hearing this bullshit for the past five years: http://www.google.com/#hl=en&expIds=17259,18167,25567,26794,27007,27015&sugexp=ldymls&xhr=t&q=katrina+crime&cp=11&pf=p&sclient=psy&aq=f&aqi=g4g-o1&aql=&oq=katrina+cri&gs_rfai=&pbx=1&fp=9f2370386c77b788

Matt Awesome dude, another link…that has NOTHING to do with what I said.

Matt I’m going to take this conversation in the direction of Pancakes. Let’s see how long it takes to come back to you being an idiot.

Matt Pancakes are delicious.

Jenna I had IHOP (another fine dining establishment in Georgia) on Saturday. They were yummy. Complete with warm maple syrup.

Jenna And by they, I mean my pancakes. Figured I’d make that clear since we’re all having trouble understanding each other.

Matt mmm that sounds delicious baby…I haven’t had pancakes in far too long. Waffles are a close substitute to pancakes…I haven’t had those in a while either.

Jenna You know who makes waffles??? WAFFLE HOUSE. Georgia says “you’re welcome, assholes.”

Matt Oh good call…and by Waffles, I meant black people. Just in case there was any confusion.

Jenna Shit just got real.

Saints Fan #1 You’ll have to forgive me if after your derisive comments about New Orleans and sarcasm about the flooding of that city lead me to believe you’d continue making comments of the same vein. I had no indication that you had stopped being sarcastic about human suffering and decided instead to make a serious comment.

Matt Too wordy…next comment.

Jenna I have several friends that were directly affected by Katrina. They joke about it a great deal. Maybe you should lighten up.

Matt For real

Matt Meanwhile let’s all hold onto those memories of the Centennial Park bombing…because that does a lot of good.

Saints Fan #1 You know how you’re supposed to be black to use the n-word? Joking about Katrina works a lot like that.

Matt So let me see if I can think like you for a minute…since you say you’re “supposed” to be black to use the word…that must mean you in fact use that word. Right?

Saints Fan #1 Now who is reading words that aren’t there?

Matt well if you would read the words the ARE there you would have picked up on my “let me see if I can think like you for a minute” as a stab at you. Wow you are stupid.

Random Guy #2 Waiiiiiiiit a second. Do you not remember where you made a comment about Sherman burning Atlanta to the ground and referred to complaining about it as our culture? If you’re gonna call people on making offensive jokes, maybe you should try not to be such a hypocrite in the process.

Matt Nice one man. Can’t believe I didn’t catch that one myself.

Jenna No, no Random Guy #2…you misunderstood. He can joke about it because he was directly affected by it. Duh.

Mattr Oh yeah…no wait, she’s right.

Saints Fan #1 Sherman burned Atlanta in 1864. Give me a break. You make the same mistake as people who argue for reparations for slavery using as an example reparations to the Japanese interned in America during WWII.

Matt …What?

Jenna Ok…now I get it, y’all…there’s a time limit on this sort of thing. We have to wait several hundred years in order to talk about Katrina in a joking manner.

Matt ‎ 22.3 years according to South Park
Like · 1 person

Jenna And THAT, my friends, is more official than any textbook you’ll ever read from.

Matt Word

Saints Fan #1 I was going less for a time and more for a generational thing. Although I must confess some hypocrisy on this. John Witherspoon (the dad from Friday and the granddad from The Boondocks) is hilarious with his 9/11 joke at the end of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiDrn_TUnAU

Matt I’ll click the link despite the condescending listing of his credits assuming you’re the only person who’s ever heard of John Witherspoon.

Matt By the way…let it be known that the results of my Pancake experiment are in…under two minutes. Not bad.

Jenna God I love pancakes.

Matt And waffles…the food not the people.

Saints Fan #1i I thought about not including those considering y’all seem to be well versed in the wisdom of South Park…

Matt South Park = Brutally Honest Truth…other than that I have NO clue what you’re talking about

Saints Fan #1 At least the Brett Favre fest is going to end soon.

Matt …right…?

The results are pretty clear-cut. If this were a venn diagram, it would prove that all Saints fans are racists idiots who are not awesome.

The Tebow Timeline

Anyone who is familiar with the sports world knows the name, Tim Tebow.  When he’s not out circumcising the Filipino youth, he’s throwing hail mary’s (pun intended) in the NFL.  After a successful college career at Florida, the Denver Broncos decided to roll the dice and draft Tim Tebow.  There’s no doubt he’s a great athlete and a douche bag (confirmed via Wikipedia), but can he make it in the NFL?

Tim Tebow was on top of the world at Florida.  His climb to the top of the ladder is carefully documented and illustrated below:

This first picture is of Tim Tebow in 2006.  I know it was from 2006 because it is crudely scribbled into the photo itself.

Tim Tebow 2006

As you can see, Tim Tebow is just beginning to get a taste of what college football is all about.  It is around this time that he sold his soul to the mighty Satan (he would later win it back in an online poker tournament and join forces with Jesus.  Christ, to be specific.  Not just some mexican dude named Jesus, that spells his name the same as Jesus, but says it like Jesus instead of Jesus.  Jesus Christ that was confusing).  Moving on.

Now we see Tebow in the 2007 season.  This year he won the Heisman trophy.  You can see the trophy displayed proudly in the picture.

Even though the trophy looks like a yellow man urinating uncontrollably, Tim didn’t care.  He was now the cock of the walk.  Take that how you want to.  He now had a big ol’ trophy and JonBenét Ramsey-like work ethic to win no matter what.  Too soon?  It’s been 14 years.  Get over it.

In 2008, Tebow would begin use his shiny trophy to lure Filipino children into a hut so he could play Doctor and circumcise them.   He was almost thwarted several times during his scissoring escapades by authority figures.  They would accuse him of child molestation and mock his cutting techniques, calling them sloppy and unoriginal.  To this he would respond, “I am Tim Tebow.  Would Tim Tebow like little boys?  I think not.”  As it turned out he was the only one who thought not.

Tim Tebow’s questionable venture into the human calamari market paid off.  He won a BCS Championship in the 2008-09 season.  He even lost a game this season and cried about it on TV.  He promised to not to be human and lose another game.

The 2009-10 season would prove to be extra annoying to watch.  His go-get-’em attitude on and off of the field was becoming sad to look at.  He was clearly cheesing for the camera, trying to attract attention from NFL teams.  His projected value in the NFL was still in question.  He did not care.  Jesus loved him.  Not the Mexican guy, the Christ one still.  That made 3 people who loved him (Mom, Dad, & Jesus.  I didn’t have  a photo of the four of them to post.  I saw one on the internet once but it looked like a photoshoppery because the Jesus in that photo actually was Mexican, and the Jesus we all know and love is a White.)  This is Tim in the 2009-10 season.

He would fail to lead his team to a National Championship in his final season.  They played in a Bowl game though…but then again who doesn’t get to play a bowl game.  Even though his team lost, he came out winning.  He was drafted in the first round by the Denver Broncos.  We will soon find out if this was a wise choice, or the most disappointing draft pick ever made.  At which point they will most likely have him shot and turned into glue.  Until that day, we will have to watch him cry every time the Broncos lose.  This will likely cause ratings to go up.

I was able to find the picture of the Tebow family with Jesus.  I’m pretty sure it’s still Jesus the Mexican and not Jesus Christ.  If anyone can shed any light on this it would be rather helpful.  It does, however, answer the question of whether or not you can fall asleep while standing.

L to R: Mom Tebow, Dad Tebow, Tim Tebow, Jesus Mexican/Christ

http://www.timtebowfacts.com/  Yes…this is a real site.

* Note:  Any inaccuracies in this post will go uncared about by myself.  In summary, I won’t care about anything in this post that isn’t accurate.  I realize I just took the first sentence, and wrote it in a different way for the summary.  I also realize I used my entire third sentence, as well as this one, to describe what I did in the previous sentences.  This fifth sentence will be my final one on the matter.